It was billed as a speech to reach out to Remainers offering an ‘olive branch’ to those who wanted to stay in the EU.
But in a bizarre and rambling speech the foreign secretary made the case for an international Britain after Brexit through promoting sex tourism, organic carrots and Toblerone cabinets.
It’s not clear how reassured the 48% felt listening to his verbose speech – perhaps they will be joining the people who he admitted ‘hail him with cheery four letter epithets’ i.e. swear at him in the street.
1) Sex tourism in Thailand
Talking about British tourists’ interests in countries outside the EU, Mr Johnson singled out Thailand.
He said: “As I have just discovered we have more than a million who go to Thailand every year, where according to our superb consular services deal with what they get up to there – on which I make no comment.”
We’ll leave you to judge which particular “things” he was referring to.
2) A ‘dogging’ reference
Talking about our geographical proximity to Europe and how the UK used to be part of the same continent as France and the Netherlands he managed to throw in another sex reference – well it is Valentine’s Day .
“Indeed Britain and Holland used to be joined in the old days by a territory known as doggerland – though the customs of doggerland are now lost to history.”
3) Compares Theresa May’s speeches to the Ten Commandments
The foreign secretary declared: “It would obviously be absurd, as Theresa May said in her Lancaster House and Florence speeches – which now have the lapidary status of the codes of Hammurabi or Moses – if we were obliged to obey laws over which we have no say and no vote.”
We’re not sure how many people will remember the PM’s speeches in a year’s time never mind approximately 3,500.
4) Repeated the claims made on the side of the Brexit bus
You’d have thought Boris would have learnt that referring to money for the NHS after Brexit only gets him into trouble but he proudly declared: “Freed from EU regimes, we will not only be able to spend some of our Brexit bonus on the NHS”.
5) Says it isn’t the time to gloat – while gloating
“Well the boot is now on the other foot, at least in theory. For all their power and influence – every major political party, the CBI, Barack Obama and so on – those voices did not prevail.
“But is this the time for the referendum winners to gloat? Should we sit in silent self-satisfaction? Of course not.”
I think you already have done Boris.
6) He championed ‘cheapo flights to stag parties’
“If we get the right deal on aviation and on visa-free travel – both of which are in our mutual interest – this expansion of UK tourism will continue, not just beyond the EU, but within the EU itself and we will continue to go on cheapo flights to stag parties in ancient cities, where we will receive I’m sure a warm welcome.”
The foreign secretary suggested we would continue to be an outward looking nation because we can still catch “cheapo flights to stag parties”.
7) Organic carrots
Mr Johnson was asked by journalists ‘where is the clarity’ but seemingly misheard and thought he was being asked about carrots.
Thinking on his feet he said: “It can be good for carrots too by the way since you, well you didn’t mention it, we will be able to take back control of our agricultural policy it may be we can do wonderful things with our own regulations to promote organic carrots but I don’t want to speculate Michael Gove is doing wonderful things.”
8) Compared himself to Labour hero Ernest Bevin
In a move bound to enrage Labour supporters, Boris compared himself to Ernie Bevin who spent his whole life fighting for workers rights not campaigning for that ‘red tape’ to be torn up.
He said: “It was my Labour predecessor Ernie Bevin who said, ‘my foreign policy is to go down to Victoria station and go anywhere I damn well please’.”
9) Toblerone cabinets will save our economy after Brexit
We may be leaving the single market but apparently there is huge scope for all you Toblerone cabinet makers out there.
“We are a nation of inventors, designers, scientists, architects, lawyers, insurers, water slide testers, I met one toblerone cabinet maker in my constituency the other day.
“All the toblerone cabinets in Saudi Arabian airports are made in Uxbridge I’m delighted to tell you.”
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